Just some stuff tonight...some updates random things...the perks that kind of stuff

Okay...first off....I got my computer back!! yay!! they totally deleted everything and rebooted the computer so I dont have any of my old files and what not...that is why I dont have my tila nguyen background...hopefully i have it saved...urgh.....TWO.....Ive pretty much missed this whole week...ive pretty much been feeling like crap like the bottom of the barrel....so I have to apologize to the pple on board with FUSION because Ive just taken a whole absence without really telling them.....So I truly apologize because I should've been more responsible.  I only told K1 for last Sunday....but I didnt even make any posters or do any of that....I totally just let myself and everyone down because I take my job seriously....Everytime something needs to be done I like to get involved because I really enjoy everything about being in FUSION....So pretty much thats what has happened

Another thing that has happened....something more on a personal level.....which I shall not disclose....but I really have a tough decision to make on whether or not I should keep a certain person in my life or just totally eliminate them....i know it sounds harsh...but you dont know the whole story :)....so now I have only a few weeks to decide and its really troubling me.....so I guess we'll just have to see how everything plays out and see what happens.....sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go....

Well...that about raps it up....K1 still has my tv....I've passed Halo2 like last weekend i think......I took a midterm.....I felt like crap......I didnt work out......but I did actually have a good time when I went to spend time with my cousin on his birthday......My brother Hender and I took Martin out for dinner and afterwards we went to go cruise around.....We went to a Mercedes dealership to look around cuz Martin is going to get a new car soon so we decided to see the one he wanted to get...man was it beautiful...then we went to to find a place to go pee cuz we needed to go pee.....but I swear every gas station will not let you use their bathroom cuz they are selfish like that geez...so pretty much Hender and I had to take a leek by the side of the road...yay! so this was on Tuesday night wednesday morning....wellps thats it....next time I write hopefully Ill have better news

Something random:  "squiggle squiggle"

well apparently no matter what i do....there's always a discourse...hmmm....i cant seem to get my life in gear the way its supposed to....maybe i should just stop trying?  of course not.  I just need time to adjust.  For the past few days I havent been writing anything...Ive just been going through some ups and downs that I keep to myself rather splendidly....i guess.  Well good news today....World of Disney has converted me to a CR instead of that stale water CT crap.  Hmm....working again..well not right now but supposedly the twenty first...but im going to go pick up shifts starting this weekend since most promises and plans seem to get skewed. 

Since our board meeting on Sunday Im really looking forward to a couple of things.  One is the dinner on Veteran's day. Two, is the board retreat (even tho its not until december something).  Three, FUSION HOT SUNDAE is actually trying to get together...everyone's been busy so its understandable.  Four, this week's meeting because its about stress and thank goodness cuz im in alot....and stress relief which is also great cuz im just bottling everything inside. 

Some things that I have had on my mind:  I really dont know why I keep trying to pursue relationships.....I just got my heartbroken again....hmmm....no real surprise....it was just that quick....yeah like that quick...like a couple of sentences quick and kazaam.....im available again.  Hmmm...it would be so much easier if I was "asexual" then i wouldnt need a partner or someone I thought I could rely on.  Cuz if I was "asexual" then I would only need to count on myself, no dissappointments, no deceptions, no lies, no negative things.  Not only that...then I would never need anyone, which, as of right now, does not seem so bad at all.  I've been really trying to keep to myself...just more inner thought and evaluation.  I'm just glad I'm going back to work. 

Another thing on my mind......why do pple hate?  There is some dude that is like threatened by my presence.  He makes it seem like I don't belong.  Stupid haters.  Well all I can say is that this person needs a serious attitude adjustment and a self esteem boost.  I think that is why he needs to ignore me and play like he is sooo much better than I am.  I should just knock him.....but I wont because violence leads nowhere.  I just try to ignore him.  See this is what happened the first time I met him....I was sitting with my friend.....then he comes by....and there are no seats available....he sits on the stairs yet there is one like a measily row ahead....he doesnt move...she introduces us....and all ready this prick thinks he's better than me....I could tell because when I went to shake his hand he gave me a flimsy handshake and he gave me that look...like why are u here kinda thing.  So i didnt pay mind because I was sitting in a comfy chair...he was on the stairs teehee.  Sooooo two days later we all sit same place and my friend tells me that this goober was talking about me....from what she told me....he was like oh who was that guy..what was he doin there...and so what u guys(meaning my friend and her girlfriends) just replace guys every week.  I was like whoa this guy has major problems with self esteem.  Ever since then when he passes by he roughly nudges me ...and I'm like wtf?.....hmmm....but i turn my cheek because it hurts him more than it hurts me.

Other news?  I havent been able to work out because I strained/pulled my upper back last wednesday but i hope to get back this wednesday aka tomorrow. 

Well otherwise than that....I m hoping to buy my new camcorder so i can start recording my life and of those pple around me.  Then compile it and make a video or something....something fun like that yay!!....until then ill jus be longing for it....other wise than that...im done for tonight...nothing else really to report..cuz drr....im not in the mood to report...so no quotes no nothing...cuz im really having a rough week all ready...so till next time...im out like a sixties fashion trend

well for the past few days things have gotten interesting? yes...yes they have...so im just going to go thro random thoughts because I havent blogged in three days? yes..yes...three days...so what do i have to say?  Fooozilbizukasimi....eh...its late....and today my brother HENDER and MARK celebrated MARK'S bday...they ate out and I came along after FUSION board meeting and konstruktikon stuff.....and we went to see The Grudge....not bad....i liked it....well today was jus filled with confusion, bonding, and the silly intervals of comical gimics inbetween....hmm...awesome....btw...ROD,SONNY,and JP are ass masters....they basically took the "wind" out of me today....hmmm...they really "blew away" everyone today....and we had a "gas" of a laugh of a time.  Awesome. Period.

Okay...Yesterday portion.....well yesterday was the twenty ninth....hence today was Mark's bday and it is the thirtieth ....well yesterday went to school....then I came home......but it was pretty awesome cuz MARTIN, HENDER and I went crusin in TITO AMANG's new CLK 55. AMG....what an f'in sweet ride....we cruised around...bought MARK'S gift for the next day which is today....then we went to go check out irvine for some friends who were still up but we were too late....the trip to the block and going to church and visiting NINANG and NINONG...took some time...none btw that are regretable.....well afterwards MARTIN and I went to go check out VANTS hookah bar and it took us a while to find it but we found it hehe....hookah my precious.....hehe.....well afterwards we cruised around....the car is awesome..especially the feel look and experience...afterwards jus went home and went to sleep to wake up early to go to laconia and meet up with ROD, JP, SONNY, RAY, K1 to build the bahay gazebo roof....that is up top

Now for the day before? I really dont remember...hmmm it was a thursday....really dont remember...went to school...went to art lecture...then the other lecture for asian am...oh oh now i remember...there was a game for FUSION...i didnt get to play ....but i did get to keep score....pffft.....eh I did meet new peeps and we played against the Pink Pineapples who were a mix of the Hawaiian club and like a sorority and fraternity...which for those who were there.....truly explains they're cheering section lol...:::chuckles:::

Okay...well jus another small recap....I met up with EDGAR at the gym and we worked out for a couple of hours....we spotted eachother and i showed him some routines.....it was pretty cool....he showed me some of his routines also....that day...I worked out from 9-30 to one thirty....wow...yeah four hours...of good solid work out...it was good...very good

well no real quotes tonight...jus want everyone to be happy....see smile like this guy does ....and everyone have a magical night whereever u are!!

wellps just got done studying for my math midterm...hmmm....its about two in the morning of the twenty seventh of october...but yay!! Halloween is coming up soon...WOOHOO!!

umm...i dont have much to talk about....i really didnt get to work out as long as I wanted to today...but eh...thats okay...cuz i did do some bench presses and I did push ups and ate veggies and fruits...so yeah...i jus sorta get bummed when I dont get to work out...but I will tomorrow

Well today is going to be really short.....nice night....its raining!! So im going to sleep well yay!!

well i bombed today's o'chem midterm .........well thats what i get for letting too many things get to me.....i thought things were well but apparently things will never be well because for one....im not willing to put anymore work into anything besides my "true" friendships......my shool work.....FUSION.....mentees.....volunteering.....and yeah.....right now....i just feel that since my world is collapsing i might as well be the barrier that keeps everything stable....since i need to stop relying on other pple for so many things....hmmmph tough lesson to learn

Well I worked out today....I've been steadily working out every day of the week ...sometimes even on Saturday and Sunday...but pretty much jus on the weekdays...and again thanx to my friend Alex who actually started me on a program that has been very effective.....and thanx to those pple who noticed the changes...makes a person feel that what they are doing is worth the work....but thats beside the point....im actually trying to change my life entire...but its hard work...more hard work than just studying because it involves becoming the better person...which....depending on how much you've let yourself go physically, mentally, emotionally, morally is tremendously arduous, but I am willing to become this "better" person....to serve my community, build friendships, and just bluntly do well where I can.  I've been through quite a few up's and down's and when I finally realized what I've done.....I try and let it go...but it just doesnt seem to work out for me...but hey....the future and my destiny hold better things....which Im hoping for.  Every now and then (if you read my xanga) [which surprised me when i heard pple actually read it? yeah...strange huh?] but like I said...every now and then I tend to lose control of my emotions and I apologize because I tend to curse like a sailor......not only that I tend to forget that its only one day and tomorrow will hold a better outlook....I guess i need to stop living for just the moment.....and actually consider whats going to happen when I act the way I do......but besides this lets start with the good news

Well....im glad to see that JILL actually started coming to lecture for math again....she never comes to class .....Im very content that other pple are trying to search for who they are.....happy that my friends are still here...and old friends are reemerging.... I dont know if that is good or bad but eh...ill see what happens and what the future has planned out for me.  As you can see....tonight I'm going to write alot because I just feel like it I guess.....I have alot of things on my mind and I want to take the time to actually express myself without having to put down sooo much drama like the drama queen/ king ive been associating myself as.  Hmmm....I am glad FUSION is trying to become the best club it really is capable of...jus a lil bit more organization and planning...but we are doing well ......I would like to go out with the FUSION members to a movie hang out or bowling night or something because it would really benefit us all to get to know eachother.  Im hoping this Halloween will be great....I dont know whether its the fact that I just want to have fun or because Halloween is one of my favorite holidays....or maybe both...but I actually want to buy a cool outfit and I all ready have an idea....so who wants to go shopping with me? well....I want to buy a horse outfit...not a two part horse but one that you just slip on and on the sides Im going to put speakers and play Genuwine's song "Pony"...then go around asking pple if they want to ride it....my pony teehee....but yeah thats what I would like to do....and its weird because Im excited.....its been awhile since I've felt so much anxiety over something thats good...not like its a test...which is pretty awesome....

In other news....im lookin forward to buying my new camcorder...jus waiting for my check to come in.....and SEAN permitting.....I would like to buy some games for xbox....oh oh oh and of course my mom's dvd/ vhs player....she's been wanting one and she really deserves it......I just wish I could get her more things...hmmmph...but I know my mom doesnt care what I really get her cuz she loves me nonetheless....but its good to know I can actually get her something that she can really enjoy and that would be awesome. 

Other things on my mind? hmmm.....I really wanted to go buy some ice cream......some chocolate malt crunch and some mint chocolate chip...but its cold....and also...i would like to hang out with some pple...but they are usually busy or all ready have plans....but its all good......there are other times.....right now I think its just time to focus on school, gym, and FUSION.....hmmm...sounds good to me....oh and I'm so happy that I've actually lost fifteen pounds and grew more muscle....I can really tell the difference because I dont feel so lazy and I dont look so "bulgy" as I did...too bad I didnt take any pictures before I started working out...but seriously....seeing my fat ass in pictures just made me feel ridiculous...and of course...if you're not happy with the way u look then change it....but I dont really mean surgery wise...I just mean working out wise.  Hmmm....I am just glad right now....jus glad Im swell....hmmmm content...probably the best feeling a person can feel...that and love and friendship....but content is more of a personal inner peace...hard to find....because of all the things happening in the world and in pples lives. 

Well no quotes tonight...but hey....thats life..hahaha maybe that can be my quote for tonight...."that's life".....well this is heinz and im outie like ketchup out of the bottle